Deconstructing The Lulz

To tweet or not to tweet: that is the question.

@isomorphisms: Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The @'s and RT's of outrageous spammers,

Or to hit /block against a sea of affiliate-marketers,

And by Reporting, end them? To quit; to disable one's account; no more

And by quitting we say to shut the computer and end

The predictable op-eds and the thousand engineer'd linkbaits that social media is heir to;

'Tis a consummation devoutly to be wish'd. To quit; to go outside;

To go outside, perchance to walk, or lift a heavy object, or swing on a swing: ay, there's the rub,

For in the outdoors what emails may come to mind that we realise we need to write just this second but don't have a pen or paper or a blasted smartphone,

When we have left our laptops in our flats,

Must give us pause: there's the habituation

That makes calamity of this 140-character media stream;

For who would bear the whips and scorns of fatuous douchebags on internet chatboards,

The pangs of ignored links promoting your blog, the slow computer's delay;

The insolence of @sacca and the spurns

Of blog readers who reliably bounce at an 87% rate,

When @isomorphisms himself might his own quietus make

With a bare bodkin? Who would browse 250 tabs at a time,

To hunt and peck under a weary life,

But that the dread of something after logging off,

The undiscover'd country from whose boredom

No surfer ever returns, puzzles the will

And makes us rather bear those ills we have

Than fly to others we know not of?

Thus iPads do make addicts of us all,

Its 2048-by-1536-pixel resolution

Is sicklied o'er with the pale cast of the thought that I'm never not looking at the damn thing,

And that enterprises of great pith and moment

With an enticing reddit link their currents turn awry,

And lose the name of action!